So the Cowboys won against a miraculously undefeated Redskins team by the hair off Rob Ryan’s chinny-chin chins in a 18-16 victory making the ‘Skins (2-1). However, both of these tard teams put their heads together to fumble the ball a staggering 8 times. Watching Rex Grossman and a half-dead dinged up Tony Romo play quarterback was about as close to watching two retards humping a doorknob as you can get. However, both defenses battled hard with each side picking up a pick. So it was only fitting that the game was sealed by a Cowboy defensive play as they recovered a fumble brought about by a sack (as seen above).
Redskins - 16
Cowboys - 18
NETS MOVE TO BROOKLYN
Since the MTV show Jersey Shore debuted, people have grown a hatred for the state of New Jersey and anything that resembles a “Snooki.” With a diminishing market in New Jersey and the Jigga man himself being a financial and stylistic influence, the Nets decided to move to Brooklyn (where lockouts don’t matter because the lockpicks are plentiful). Ain’t that shit cra?
As much as ESPN analysts and skeptics wanted him to be the next Jamarcus Russell (aka Snorlax) he isn’t. He is proving to be one of the best rookie quarterbacks (3rd overall in passing yards) the NFL has ever seen… and he’s stylin’ on you.
Rate Comp Att Pct Yds Yds/G TD INT
85.1 70 117 59.8 1012 337.3 4 4
AFC STANDINGS (top 5)
Buffalo Bills (3-0)
Houston Texans (2-1)
Oakland Raiders (2-1)
Baltimore Ravens (2-1)
Tennesee Titans (2-1)
So… we’re a little behind.
We’ll make a deal with you. We cover the events we missed solely by delivering sensational headlines for each subject.
1) NFL and NFLPA have a bitch fit. Owners pout and lock their players out for a couple of months.
2) Lebron James trains with David Blaine. Masters disappearing act just in time for the Heat to lose the Finals to the Dallas Mavericks.
3) Dave Chappelle got swole.
4) Peyton Manning out for season. Colts forget how to play football.
5) Dale Earnhardt reveals Mountain Dew car. Rednecks rejoice.
6) NBA has lockout. NBA players test skills in pick-up games against middle schoolers.
Will that do? No? WELL THAT’S TOO DAMN BAD!
REDSKINS v COWBOYS PREGAME JIVE
All eyes are on half-dead cyborg quarterback Tony Romo. Yes, he has had his fair share of mental mistakes (like single-handedly losing to the Jets) but he is still a quarterback who can win and in fantastic fashion. Nothing else proved that better than the win against the 49ers. However, he is still significantly injured. Expect to either see more of John Kitna and his loose wizard sleeved jersey or Tony Romo inside of the protective bubble from Jake Gyllenhal’s finest movie, Bubble Boy.
Sorry for the lengthy hiatus. No we’re not dead nor did we contract AIDS or get cancer as far as I know. We have all had various serious commitments which we had to tend to at the time and didn’t quite have the time to nourish the blog as well as we should have. Anyways, WE’RE BACK, WE’RE BLACK (one us is half black so I guess we’re half black), AND WE’RE BETTER THAN EVER!
Blake Grffin 28pts 11rebs 8ast
LAC 88 OKC 111
The “Pooper Scooper” Scoop Jardine actually showed up to play today and led his squad in scoring and ultimately to the victory. Rick Jackson actually hit 2 WHOLE FREE THROWS!!!!!
Scoop Jardine 20pts 4rebs 6ast
(20)SYR 69 (14)VIL 64